I’m officially one year and 6 days sober. A year ago I was in rehab– scared and completely miserable. I didn’t want to get sober, I didn’t want to be there, but, on some level, I did want my life to change. The last year of my addiction, even though I wasn’t ready to call it that yet, had been pretty messy. I hurt a lot of people that I cared about and I stopped caring about myself. For someone like me to make it to a year of sobriety– and not be miserable(!)– is kind of a miracle.
My life is so much better than it was a year ago, but that’s not to say that my life is easy today. I still think about doing drugs and drinking on a regular basis. The difference is that now I know that I don’t have to act on every impulse I get. I know that no matter how bored or how bad I’m feeling, drugs and alcohol will not solve my problems.
The biggest difference in my life is that today I have hope and the capacity to be grateful. I’m also reasonably happy most of the time. Which, if you knew me before, is also a bit of a miracle. There are friends that I lost in my addiction that I don’t think I’ll ever get back. Losing people because of my bad behavior during my addiction still makes me sad. There are two friends in particular that I really miss. But getting sober doesn’t magically bring everyone back. And that’s okay.
Getting sober has been my hardest won accomplishment and it’s the thing that’s most important to me today. And for that I’m grateful.